UNFOLDING EXPERIENCE WITH CELLULAR TRANSFORMATION
The ones who are on their journey to reconnect with their sense of self, with their effortless power and willingness to tune into higher vibrations of present reality this may sound familiar. It took me many years of exploring various practices such as meditation, shaktipat, kriya yoga, ayuahasca dietas, all sort of healing modalities, therapy and personal development programs, everything I could get my hands on or my heart open so I can understand the root of a lifelong chronic back pain and an deep underlying lack of power. After more than 16 years of search and a life full of out of this world experiences I arrived to understand the pain, to know the root weaknesses but I had no idea how I will be able to grow and heal those profound spaces. This is exactly what my first Cellular Transformation retreat did for me.
When I met Jennifer Millar the first time, I felt I was not living truly from my authenticity and I could not really feel in what direction to go. In the same context my practice and business were also lagging behind.
Before the retreat I had a one on one session with Jennifer. At first she got to know a little about me and then she guided me through a prayer relating to vulnerable aspects of my life . The next day after our session I felt a deep sense of trust installing in and my self confidence became stronger as well. I felt already capable of doing things that I was not being able to do for month. I felt more energy and I felt I am into a tangible change. By tangible I mean not an experience that one can have during a ceremony or in the presence of a great healer or master, but rather a structural change in my subtle body. Something that is in me and mine and that I am so aware about that it cannot not disappear or decrease after. And after the retreat this type of shift has become even more clear.
During the retreat I was challenged with many difficult emotions. At first I felt many of my patterns coming up but shortly I came to realise that we were all experiencing similar waves of emotions. It has become more and more clear how the energy of the group moves and how each one’s experience and stories and expressing the same energy. I felt guided through the whole retreat. I just knew what to do and even when I seemed to do something different it was so obvious that I just let it go immediately. Most of the time my guidance was instructing me to observe. Even though I have an involved nature I somehow found the power to stay back and observe. The whole room was filled with so much love and I was moving through love to emotional pain in multiple cycles.
After the retreat I felt several days like I am being surrounded by the same intelligent presence that was guiding me. However this time I could see and feel my life as a beautiful miracle. I remembered some of the situations and people during the retreat and I became aware of that there presence just changes some deep structures in me. I was frequently overwhelmed with gratitude, feeling love for spirit and surrendering in the flow of every moment.
I started to observe many changes in me. For example, I was not uncomfortable to be alone anymore. If I would be in a group I would value my space, I feel good and relaxed alone in my own space. I do not feel the need to connect with other people though I am happy to do so if that happens. And when connection happens it happens in a much easier and fluid way. Also, when I am alone I do not feel alone anymore. There is a sense of “me” that has become part of my experience now. I now stay in silence, tune in the space and I know what to. And whatever I am doing is being done and working. It is like all life happens now and everything I need to know comes with this sense of “me”. For anyone recovering from narcissistic abuse or traumatic experiences they know that the sense of self is very weak. For the first time in my life this has changed. I feel more confident about all my life and my determination to keep discovering and expressing my inner world is fully on now.
The way I interact socially has also changed. I do not feel the need to connect to people or to make unneeded polite remarks. I just seem to take people with the energy that they come without trying to change the situation or react. I can just observe and welcome them. I know who to connect with and who is not meant to happen and I am not worrying about how it is. My sense of people has changed and I seem to be much more aware of what a connection gives or takes. My friends have changed as well. I am enjoying now the company of a lovely group of friends that makes me feel welcomed and belonging. And more often that I meet people and they are interested in my work or want to work with me. Even during the retreat I received an offer to support several clients though an unexpected connection. I used to be drained by social interactions. But now I am enjoying it. I trust more and I feel more confident being around people. I made it a point to be more social, discover and connect as often as I can with people.
If I would say that the retreat has centred and connected me to myself it would be a big understatement. I never imagined how big and ubiquitous the sense of self can be. More frequently than before I feel energy running through my body in different ways. The lower belly and my root have become my home and my brain. I feel more magnetised to the Earth. I have much more awareness of my spine and the movement that happens through. One week after the retreat my back pain has been zero or close to zero, which almost never happens. My spine works like my compass. And this time was clear that this is exactly what all my bodies have been waiting for for a long time.
And after so many changes, I feel thankful but I also feel the story has just begun. I now feel more courage and ability to tap dipper into vulnerability and keep healing the parts that need me. I feel I am supported in this environment, I feel I can find my place and that the opportunity to keep upgrading my programs is just appeared in my life.