CRIED IN THE BOARDROOM?

I have cried in the meeting room. And it took me several years to understand what was actually going on with me. In 2012 I moved to London for a regional role in a global bank. I always wanted to live and work abroad and this was a big dream coming true. However, this move raised challenges and changes that took me years to heal and realise my true alignment.

The relocation unrooted me from my cultural and family background. I was looking for this but I was not aware of the massive impact that it has in one’s psyche and personal power. Being in a completely new world I was also facing a highly competitive, rigid corporate culture that broke my shy, authentic spirit into many pieces. This was my dream job. I was also a good match but I felt completely broken. My mind completely stopped. Everything I knew, my experience, my skills with people, my ways of solving problems, they have all somehow disappeared. I could not access them. I felt paralysed, frightened and did not know who to talk about it. I was even afraid to admit there was something wrong because it would jeopardise my career.

Ironically, I have even been promoted while I was in the regional office but I could not be fully proud of my achievements. I felt there was not even 1% of me that was expressed. After three years of living my dream but not being able to be myself I decided to move to Abu Dhabi to live with my partner and find myself. I dedicated myself to the study and teaching of yoga and meditation, I ended up spending half of the time in India where I received several white tantric and kriya initiations, I immersed myself into the science of spiritual bliss and I came to the point of finding myself many times. And as many times I lost myself back. While I was radiating the most beautiful vibrations a human can imagine, my marriage was shaking, my new teaching and coaching career was not taking off and I felt the world was not suited to receive the truth that I had discovered. I was battling to make space for this path emerging from my heart but the reality around me was holding me back. 

I thought that starting a new career with teaching yoga and meditation will solve my problems and I will find more balance and happiness. It was quite the opposite. Choosing this path actually helped me see how much I need to change within so I can be truly happy.  This crisis, the many years of profound healing and personal transformation that followed, have offered some insights about career change and personal development.

1) Changing careers does not change who you are. While a good fit role may bring out the best in you it will not change the real reasons why you you cannot find your place in life. These deeper aspects of our personality are the reasons for recurring unfortunate situations, being undervalued or not being able to bring out the best of you to the world. 

2) Do not be afraid to look inside for answers. The questions may be tough but may save you many years of running around lead by the same self sabotaging behaviours: is it really the others that are not helping me or is it something to do with me? You do not want the memories of your fears or failures to influence your decision for the future, but rather the opposite, right? I like to look at the future from the perspective of a accomplished self.

3) When change is meant to happen it will happen anyhow. We can make this process slower or faster with the ability to see what is coming up into our life, let go of old ideas and allow inner transformation accordingly. This is the place of seizing opportunities and embracing accelerated growth and change.

4) Do not be afraid to share about your situation. You may feel that sharing your weaknesses such as: “my brain is blocked, I am becoming useless here” will ruin you. But in reality this is the only way we can start a meaningful change, a change of the real issue that lies within us.

I ask myself if, with a healed heart and mind, I will go back to my former role? While I miss working in teams I know this was not the place for me. But knowing what I know now I would have started my journey with personal transformation first and allow the healthy part of me make the choices for my future.

When moving through major life decisions and transitions I find it crucial to understand what is the real motivation behind that desire or pull to change. Transformational coaching is a powerful technique that creates a space of deep awareness where the client can see for herself/himself what the situation actually is. Transformational coaching actually helps you move away from what does not suits you understanding from within what is that nourishes and grows you. This process helps you move towards your change making sure you are ready for it and actually moving into it and living it fully.